My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
