Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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