I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
