was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Randomize
