Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
