i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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