I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
