So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
