as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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