it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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