you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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