I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
