I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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