There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
