last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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