so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
