Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
