I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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