Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
