I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
