nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
