I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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