I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
