you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
