end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
