the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
