I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
