I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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