Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
