Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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