He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
