its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
