Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
