so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
