Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
