She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Barsexuality is the new black.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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