It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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