i barfeds in our rink
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
