is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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