Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
In America we eat man semen.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
