Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
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