Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
