She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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