It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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