he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
