I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
