My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
