yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
