Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
