she was so not down for the gang bang
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
