Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
